It was there, when we began,

The rain came last and made it special,

It was only

You and me in the rain.

Dashing shadows, late night hours,

It was there, when we drove,

The rain came down and made it unique

It was only

You and me in the rain.

Secret passion, late in the year

It was there, when we parted

The rain came by, to bid good bye

It was only

You and me in the rain

It was just,

Only us.

You and me in the rain.

Now it’s just,

Only,

The rain and me.

Of late night and ghostly whispers

I created you with carbon

Black carbon made your eyes

Black carbon made you smile.

Your hair, could have been snakes,

But I did you a favour

Dark shadows of misty  black

I groomed it, just to match your eyes.

The mouth that I’ve kissed,

I created with sensual lines,

Full and happy, secrets untold

Carbon for your smile.

Those eyes, so  deep I love,

I filled it by careful time and strokes

Of life, when I could have made you blunt

Yes, safe in my art.

I created you with carbon.

Black carbon made you smile

Black carbon made you stay

Black carbon made you mine.

Nothing.

I got out of my bed. Treading silently on the rug, I walked to the wall, pulled the curtain aside and parted the blinds. The street lamp cast a romantic glow over the front lawn. The street was deserted.

I heard a rustle. Someone was in the house!

Opening my room door a crack, I peeked. It was all dark.

Deciding to find out whatever was going on, I stepped on the polished wood. I made my way towards the kitchen, then the back door, then the porch. It was chilly outside and dark. I braced my self against the cold.

The arms came around me from behind. A warm embrace. Tight.

I wanted to jump away and scream. Strangely, I felt my self relax and melt into the warmth and comfort.

My long hair was brushed away from my neck with his gentle fingers, and the warm lips that touched the tender skin, sent shivers down my back. The caress was lovely, his breath so warm, a stubble of beard grazed my chin, but I just wished the moment would last.

I was scooped up into his arms. I couldn’t see his face at all. The stranger in the night, carried me back to my room.

Oh so gently, he laid me on my bed and kissed my forehead several times.

I felt my fingers, weaving into his hair, so tightly.

There were no words I could speak, my tongue was tied.

A gleam of silver caught my eye. My mouth opened in fright as I saw the knife.

My scream was hushed as his mouth covered mine and I could feel him savour it.

The sharp blade felt cold on my throat as he sliced in. Pleasure and pain passed through my senses. I felt warm sticky fluid ooze down my neckline.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!”

I jolted up screaming.

I was alone in my bed. Daylight filtered through the window and sunshine spilled on the rug by my bed.

I touched my neck in horror.

I could only feel my gold necklace with is ruby pendant.

Relaxing back onto the pillows, I played the nightmare in my head.

I stared at the bottle of cough syrup on my bed side table.

I carry a smile when I’m broken in two
And I’m nobody without someone like you
I’m tremblin’ inside and nobody knows it but me
I lie awake it’s a quarter past three
I’m screamin’ at night as if I thought
You’d hear me
Yeah my heart is callin’ you
And nobody knows it but me

How blue can I get
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it’s been torn all apart
A million words couldn’t say just how I feel
A million years from now you know
I’ll be lovin’ you still

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin’ about
The love that we had
And I’m missin’ you
And nobody knows it but me

- Nobody knows- by Tony Rich Project

He lay slumped against the wall. Blood that drained from his slashed wrist trailed into a pool on the tiles. Its ghastly contrast of red against the white tiled floor screamed volumes in my head.  A razor blade, stained with blood-  his blood- gleamed in the light. The mobile phone had been removed from his palm I believed.  I was told that he had dialed my number lastly. I felt guilty for not waking up to answer. It was around three  in the morning when he had dialed.

He had called for help. One cannot imagine when a mind can snap under depression. I was merely his counsel, his escape from the dark hours of the night, just a voice. Lately he had demanded to talk regular, but I had my issues. I was travelling and fatigue caught up at times. Stares from his family members staked through me. Anguish or simply blame?  The detective guided me out of the house. In a soft library voice he told me that it would be better for me to go home.

His words haunted my sleep.

“How can I forget her memories? It hurts me to think”. He had asked

“Try avoiding things that reminds you. Don’t listen to the same songs, change environment, go out with friends,  etc”

“I can understand why people feel like dying. Do you know why they commit suicide?”

“Yes” I remember telling him. “They are too weak to face their failures that they want someone else to be blamed and to live in guilt. It’s not putting an end to their problems. It’s putting an end to their lives.”

“Will it hurt you if I die?” he had asked.

“I don’t want you to even think about death.”

“But will it hurt you?”

“I will be sad, yes.”

“Why?”

 “You’re my friend. I like helping you by talking like this.”

“We haven’t even met.”

 “Eventually we will. If necessary.”

“You’re very different. In a good way. I just wish————-.“ 

 Silence.

The line had gone dead.

That was two days prior to his act.

“You accepted me when I needed acceptance.

You  gave me care when I needed to be cared for” he says.

Hmmm, I scoffed at the empty words and said.

“When I found you,

I looked in those eyes.

I saw a lot of pain, a lot of confusion, a lot of unanswered questions, a lot of hatred, a lot of sleepless nights and a lot of loneliness.

And

I drew a sun in your dark sky

I painted a rainbow in your colourless dreams

I sang a song and made you smile

I healed your pain

and when you were completely healed,

You left.

You took away my sunshine with you.”

Gone  (w)rabbit hunting .

The haunting comes in Craves

I feel it call my name,

Hear me, Give in

It’s been long

The night is cold.

I just close my eyes

Then I’m with you

I just smile in dark

and feel it’s you

I travel back in time

Just to be with you.

Will it ever change,

The heights we’ve been?

Can we ever erase

The world we created?

The laughter and jokes

The playful rows

The silent talks

While the world sleeps

Then I close my eyes

I Know it’s not you

Yet I just pretend

I’m feeling you

I swallow your name

But I can’t wait

It’s been too long

I succumb

I give in

I smile.

I make believe

When temptations call

You always live beside me

Nobody knows

but me.

Did you hear the echo

Of my breaking heart?

Didn’t you say it wouldn’t be so.

That you’ll be there “Forever”?

Did you hear the thunder,

Of that night we first met?

What about all those nights

I sacrificed just for you.

When I reasonized with you,

It will never be so,

You reasonized with me,

That you’ll make it true.

Yes, I reasonized with you.

But you never let me leave.

You thought you were the only one

Who had planned ahead.

Just trampled over dreams

Only for your benefit.

Well it’s strange I realized

Way before

Your insecurity cried volumes

Your past an open book.

So I reasonized with you,

you never stopped.

But I reasonized with you,

So you cried,

And when I reasonized with you

You wanted me back…..

You thought I’ll reasonize with you

Till the end of time

But I’m through and done.

Reasonized with you.

I reasonized with you.

Now it’s too late.

I reasonized.

Yes I did. 

 He stared at her, finding it hard to digest what she had just said.

“Are you serious?”

For a moment she raised her skeptical eyebrow. Then nodded. Yes, she was damn serious.

“Have you ever done this before?”

“Nops. C’mon. It would be fun.” She gave him one of her innocent yet mischievous smiles.

“Let see whether I really got what you are trying to say. We sneak up in the middle of the night, climb over a wall into someone’s desolate house?”

“Yes, exactly. You see, that house has been empty for months. There are no alarms, no security, no one at all. “

From the look on her face he realized that she was really enjoying even the mere idea!

“And what if we get caught?”

“I have already thought about that. We should do it tonight since everyone is occupied with the vote frenzy. It’s just one wall we have to get over….ooooooh the silence, darkness and the hauntism…let’s do it!” She jumped up and down in her excitement.

He couldn’t help but smile. “Ok, tonight. Damn you, you always have a way with me.” He laughed.

She hugged him. ” I’ll get some stuff ready. Pick me up at twelve”.

*****************************************************************************************************

The road was deserted. They stood by the corner, killing time. “OK. Fifteen minutes gone by. No one would suspect anything. Now I’m going to hold your hand and walk up to the wall where you could see the tree. Give me a leg up, Ok?”

He couldn’t help but feel scared. “Yep, clear. Ready.”

She heaved her back pack onto her shoulder, grabbed his hand and walked slowly.

“I can hear your heartbeat.” She whispered.

“Shut up. I’m not such a daredevil as you are. “

She giggled softly. Slipped off her backpack to her elbow. “We’re here.” Turning her head, she checked for clearance. “Now!”

In split second, he half kneeled and supported her foot, while she jumped up and got a hold of the edge of the wall. He watched as She scarmbled on. Then she slid off over and a dull thud was heard as she landed on the other side.

His heart was racing a mile. Standing up he leaned against the wall and looked around to see if anyone had seen them….None. Nothing but darkness and silence. Quickly, he leapt and grabbed the wall.

 When his feet touched ground, there was more darkness.

“Hon?” he whispered in a trembling voice.

“Here.” A scratch was heard, and a flickering flame. A candle was lit. Her face glowed in the golden light.

He sighed, relieved. “Any more wise ideas? I’m dying of fright!”

She laughed. “Didn’t it feel a bit like Oceans 11?”

They laughed in unison.

They sat and cuddled together, leaning against the tree. The candle on the ground glowed. A slight wind rustled the leaves. Dry leaves at their feet blew away.

“Our private moment. Exciting secret. If we are found, we’ll both serve a sentence for breaking and entering, but we really didn’t break in, did we? So it should be trespassing.”

“You’re such an interesting woman. Where do you get these ideas?” He laughed and hugged her. ” You enjoy life don’t you?”

“What’s left of it.” She pulled out a bottle of coke from her back pack. “Here.”

He took a sip from it, lit a cigarette and looked around. “How did you know about this place?”

“Simple. My office is close by. I like staring out of the window.”

“Why this particular house then?”

She shrugged. “Just wanted to see if I could pull off something like this. Just wanted to have a moment. “

They stayed like that for  hours, talking, giggling and enjoying the night.

“Next on the agenda is watching the sunrise. If we hurry, we can make it to the beach in time.” She started stuffing the empty wrappers and bottles back into the back pack. He watched as she carefully picked up the cigarette butts and threw them  over the wall.

“Give me a leg up”.

He gave her a boost and watched her disappear over the wall.

Just before he climbed over, he took one look at the dark looming house. His heart froze! The pair of eyes met his.

He slid off onto the pavement, grabbed her hand and started running towards the children’s park.

“Wait!” She panted. “We still have time, no need to rush”

“Don’t look back.” He kept on running until he put a few blocks behind. Panting , he stopped.

He looked at her flushed face. The dawn light made her eyes look much brighter, making her look more beautiful. He hugged her close. “I was so scared hon.”

“It’s because it’s your first time.. and last. It was fun wasn’t it?’

Fun?

He couldn’t get the image of what he saw..it was still so fresh on his mind…The eyes..The elderly woman who stood inside the house, behind the glass. Quite faint. Deathly pale..Or was it just his imagination?